SABEW critique painful, but definitely worthwhile

By Daniel Connolly

The (Memphis) Commercial Appeal

(Editor's Note: SABEW board members offered critiques to a dozen business journalists attending the fall conference at the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill on Oct. 20-21. Daniel Connolly, who covers health care, technology and immigration issues for The Commercial Appeal in Memphis, reflected on what the critique session meant to him)

I find that handing over my published articles for a critique is almost always a painful exercise, but a useful one.

It’s not so bad when the editor shows you problems you already suspected. The pain comes when the criticisms are completely unexpected but undeniably true at second glance. It’s like being told the Chinese calligraphy tattooed on your arm doesn’t mean “peace and strength,” it means “fire garbage truck.”

When I saw that the SABEW conference in Chapel Hill this month offered a critique session by top business editors, I knew it would be difficult, but I handed in a collection of clips.

I was assigned to work with Bernie Kohn, assistant managing editor for business news at the Baltimore Sun. He had already read the clips by the time we met on Sunday afternoon for the last session of the conference.

My first Chinese tattoo moment came when Kohn pointed out that one of my articles had three separate nut graphs. I hadn’t noticed, but he was right.

He suggested I could have strengthened another article by speaking with medical malpractice lawyers, something I had never considered. And he said some of my stories promised more in the nut graph than they actually delivered.

It went on like this for some time, but he was careful to temper these comments with praise for other aspects of my work.

I don’t wish to make this sound like criticism of the editors I work with on a regular basis. Editors must handle my work along with a crush of other copy. They’re often under extreme time pressure and subtle weaknesses like the ones Kohn pointed out are my responsibility.

The session lasted about half an hour, and I am grateful for Kohn’s time and insights.

Here’s a summary of the key writing tips he gave me:
1. Resist if editors ask you to put more voices in a story. Sometimes fewer voices are more effective.
2. Don’t forget that leads and nut graphs are a promise to the reader. Make sure that you follow through.
3. Try to write 25-word summaries of stories in order to maintain focus.

I'll add one more tip: bring a native Mandarin speaker to the tattoo parlor.

Posted Oct. 26, 2007